Friday, 23 June 2017

Nature’s Child

A small unnamed village on the foothills of Himalayas. Where Nature plays the magician, and snow-capped peaks bow in obedience to the unabashedly glowing sun, dressing themselves up in hues so magnificent, that the clear brooks flowing downstream find it hard to keep pace with reflecting their radiance. Here, at one inconspicuous bend in the mountains, on the way to Darjeeling, stands my father’s sweet shop. Tourists are a rarity here, and most of the days we sell almost nothing. However, we do have our days, rather months, of good business & that suffices us for the rest of the year. Life in the mountains is a lot easier than you think. Limited means, unlimited happiness.

On one such quiet winter day, a sparkling red SUV stops across our shop. Dazzled by the brightness, I look up. A smartly dressed man & a very beautiful woman get down. The man crosses the road & heads towards our shop. An expensive camera dangling around his neck, he is whistling a tune to himself. A happy tourist. My father runs out to greet him, to usher him in. A moment ago, he had been cursing his luck for something trivial. Now, a prospective customer on a cold morning has made him cheery.

The woman stands on the other side of the road, looking down at the valley, lost in thoughts, enamored by the bountiful earth. The inconsistent breeze plays with her hair, her scarf flutters in the wind. To me, she appears like a demi-goddess trying to fly. She shivers, yet takes in a huge breath of fresh air.  All at the same time.

I stand somewhere in between, soaking in the magnanimity of the new vehicle in front of me. And the urbaneness of the newcomers. I watch, with a certain glee, the mesmerizing effect my village casts on these tourists, detaching them from their spirits, making them want to break free from the world.

Then, I notice you. Sitting tight at the back seat of the car, your curious eyes looking out of the window, at me. We exchange smiles. You, in your expensive attire to ward off the cold. Me, in my worn out jeans and a tattered sweater that was handed down to me after my brother outgrew it. I do not have a name. And neither do you.

You, wondering at how a boy your age is not feeling the biting cold. Me, imagining the comfort those clothes must provide. You, happy to have found a packet of chips in the middle of nowhere. Me, happy that we have a customer for the day. You, a small girl, out here on a vacation with your parents. Me, a small boy, helping my father in his business, surviving on visitors like you. You learn your lessons in schools. I learn mine from Mother Nature.

Your textbooks, do they teach you that everyone is equal? Well, I learnt it form the clouds. High or low, green or barren, they descend on every hilltop with equal grace. They do not discriminate. And from the rain. When it pours, it wets us all. Flowering trees, fruitless trees, trees with thorns, each one of them is washed and soaked in its kindness.

And solidarity? Do you not have a story on that? At dusk, when the flock of birds fly towards their home, chirping away in happiness, they tell me of solidarity. When fish swim together under the river, adjusting themselves to the flow of water, they tell me of brotherhood.

We are both children. Born in different parts of the world, to a different set of parents. Instantly drawn to each other by our disparity. Our hearts pure. Our souls untouched. Somewhere deep down, we want to exchange our lives. You want to live here in the mountains, marveling at its beauty every passing day. I want to live in the city, tiring myself of its mundane charm, stealing moments of respite by an escape to the hills. Childhood fantasy.

“Little boy, come here!” My spell is broken. I turn around to see the man calling out to me. With hands full with a bag of edibles, his walk has been reduced to a wobble. I run to help him. He places the packets in the seat next to you. Then he brings you down. Out in the cold, you cringe in discomfort.

“Boy, will you click a photograph for us?” the man asks. I smile in return. Not because I cannot speak, but because I am too thrilled at the prospect of handling a camera. All by myself.

The three of you huddle together. The woman adjusts her coat. The man puts on a toothy grin. Only you wear the same curious look on your face. I click. And everyone is happy. The man hands me a ten-rupee note. You get into the car and drive off.

I return to the shop & hand over the tip to my father. He folds it carefully & keeps it in the cash box.

Many years later, when you look at this photograph, you will not remember the boy who clicked it. But many years later, when I buy a camera of my own, and click a photograph, I will remember this day. A good day.

Wednesday, 21 June 2017

A Lonely Affair


Walking down the crowded street, earphones in place, she realizes a very vital fact about herself. She thrives in loneliness. It soothes her. It comforts her. It unfolds in front of her an empty canvass where she can draw characters, paint episodes, unfold mysteries. Devour on happiness. And sadness.

No, she does not walk alone. Holding hands, walking with her is her partner.  A few blocks away, a group of friends are waiting for them. To celebrate and make merry. All around her, there is a swarm of people. Jostling for space, eager to move ahead. But they are too real, these faces. They have emotions she cannot control. They feel on their own. They exist. And because they exist, they do not appeal to her.

For her lies the stories she weaves. A handsome prince falling in love with a plain-Jane-next-door. A couple fighting, kissing & making up. A proud father praising his successful son. A widowed woman struggling hard to overcome the struggles. A daily wage laborer finding a lost wallet. People dancing to the tunes of latest Bollywood blockbusters. Each time, a different scene. The cast usually resembles people she has met. Or seen in magazines. Or come across while crossing streets. Sometimes, faces come easily to her. Sometimes, she strives hard to conjure up one. In fact, at times there is no face at all. But what is omnipresent is an array of emotions. And love. And Hope.

In her world, the good guy is rewarded. The bad guy is punished. People repent. Apologize.  Here love flows freely and hate is sparse. And if grief is unbearable, plots are changed, happy scenes inserted. Here, hurt is temporary & happiness is prevalent. Pain is a prologue to something good. The future is not unforeseen, the past is not a memory. Everything is filmed in the present.

In the real world, she cannot rewind. Nor replay. Nor edit. Here, words are spoken, trust is broken, pain is not forgotten, and scars remain. Here, she has to be mindful of what she speaks. Watch out for souls she might hurt. Emote at correct places. Derive contentment in the present by planning for the future. Love consciously. Grieve privately. Here, life is a rulebook with Do’s and Do not’s. Here, loneliness is a synonym for being alone.

Not for her. For souls like her. Physically in the company of people, she remains aloof. The mundane affairs do not charm her. Yet, from them, she derives her inspiration for the stories. They give her the garb for her play. They provide the backdrop to her stage.
With them, she is lonely. Yet, she needs them. To day dream. To enjoy her loneliness.

Friday, 16 June 2017

You Exist


I dress up. Check myself in the mirror twice, before leaving home. A spring to my step, a song on my lips, I am off to work. My radio plays the perfect songs. Twenty one new emails on the screen. I lock it & head for the canteen. To start my day with a dose of caffeine. And to catch a glimpse of you, if I am fortunate. Will you be there? Searching eyes, fluttering heart. Yes, I spot you sitting across the table. Suddenly conscious of your presence, and of mine, I cannot bring myself to look at you.  Am I in love?

As I sit there with my drink, dwindling my phone, it vibrates. A text from the Husband. The child has been dropped off to school safely. He has reached office on time. The breakfast was delicious & they finished it. And he has forgotten to give the laundry to the washer man. I call him up. Yes, he has taken his medicines on time. He will pick up the groceries on the way. And would love to have butter chicken for dinner tonight. We vouch our love for each other. And the work day starts.

The clock ticks away with print-outs, emails & phone calls. Before I realize, it is time for lunch. I call up the Husband to find out whether he had his lunch. Yes he did. And it was ‘ok’. As I gather my lunch box and head for the canteen once again, that familiar feeling of restlessness is back. Are you out there? Will you talk to me this time? Am I looking good? I run my fingers through my hair & adjust my dress. The place is almost packed to the brim but I manage to find a corner. As I delve into my chapati & dal, I furiously search for you in the crowd. There you are, at the Juice counter, ordering yourself a pineapple shake. Our eyes meet briefly. We exchange smiles. Yours courteous. Mine mixed with a blush. As if you have caught me red-handed.

I am joyful for the rest of my day. Because you noticed me? Maybe. Because you smiled at me? Can be. Well, my day at work comes to an end. On my way home, I think about you a lot. Did you actually notice me today? Why did you have juice for lunch? Does your wife not cook for you? How does she look like? Have you ever fought?

I reach home. The child runs into my arms. The house is a mess. Dinner is yet to be cooked. I tackle each of them, one after the other. By the time I finish, the Husband has come back from work. From the look on his face I gather that has had a tiring day. All freshened up, we sit down for dinner. The chicken tastes good & the conversation flows. The child has scored well in school today & the proud parents exchange meaningful glances.

Happy & spent, we retire for the day. The child dozes off to sleep. We stay awake, huddled together, gazing through the window into the vast night sky, breathing in each other’s familiar smell. We talk about how the day was. About how exhausted we are. And how much we love each other. We plan for the weekend. And for the future. We fall asleep. Together. As a family. You are forgotten.

But you exist. Unaware of my existence, or at least my feelings, you live in a parallel universe.

You make me happy. Yet, you are not a part of my happiness.

You are the hope that makes me survive through the day. You are the thought that keeps my dullness away. You bring me back the sheen that the years have taken away. You take with you the monotony that a decade of marriage has brought in. You make me feel young. You make me want to be wanted again. But no, I am not in love. Not with you.