Marriages are NOT made in heaven!!

Recently, while attending a relative’s wedding, I made this very fine observation. Everybody who went up the dais to wish the couple, invariably said, “Marriages are made in heaven.”  Very cliché indeed. How did this funny phrase originate, I wonder! Must have been the age-old gimmick of ‘Blame everything on the Gods’. A 5-year old must have been married off to some 40-year old by the parents. And when the poor girl must have suffered invariably, the parents must have had come up with this explanation. Dear child, since everything is so much pre-determined by the heavenly creatures, please suffer in silence. We, the parents, are innocent. We only followed the instructions pouring in straight from up above the world so high!

In the present times that we live in, your marriage is definitely made by YOU yourself. You may have chosen your partner or it may have been an alliance through family, it means nothing. As soon as you sign the dotted line, you enter a common zone. And if you wish to stay there, you have to work hard at it. I know it sounds very strange, but then do we not know that a stark and naked truth has always been unbelievable?

I am not denying the existence of love. Well, that magic potion is exactly what pulls you through when you hit a rough patch. Have you ever wondered why, at the end of a bitter argument, you feel miserable? When you sleep in the other room yet worry whether he has taken his medicines? When you are engrossed in the thoughts of how you committed the biggest mistake of your life by marrying him, and your thoughts end up with what to cook for dinner?? And, most importantly, what is it that makes you smile as you read this? You already know the answer!!

If you want to know what it means to work at your marital life, just ask yourself these basic questions. How many times have you resolved that you won’t nag him any more? How many times have you felt that you are not being a dutiful spouse? Don’t you sometimes feel he is this shuttle-cork being served between you and the mother-in-law? If you have nodded your head in a yes, bingo! You’ve hit the nail on the head! Without any assistance from the heavens, mind you!

Time to shake off this myth, dear friends. Even God deserves a break! Till how long will He be our punching bag?  Let us be mature enough to admit our own follies and be responsible for our own lives. If your marriage goes wrong, it is because YOU have failed in your part. If your alliance was wrong in the first place, YOUR guardians have been wrong in fixing it up! And always remember the golden rule of a successful marriage: NO EXPECTATIONS!!!!

A Mother Speaks!!

At every traffic signal, that rag-picker carrying a toddler on her hips tugs me at the heart. I immediately visualize my 1 year old in him. What if my Siyona…!!! Unconsciously, I shudder. “Don’t look at her!” my friend says. “She is able-bodied. Why can’t she earn a livelihood? Probably, this child is not even hers. You give alms to one means you are actually promoting child-kidnap rackets!”

Agreed, dear friend. I will not look at her. No, not because I have been listening to what you have been saying. But simply because I feel helpless. I can do nothing for that child struggling hard in the scorching sun. Barely clothed at all, his big eyes gleam with hope and fascination as he looks down at us from the other side of the window. Has he been kidnapped? Who are his parents? Where are they? Will he ever know what it means to rest in the mother’s lap? Does he deserve this? Maybe he is too young to worship You, dear God, but does that mean You can be so much unjust?

I wish I could help him. And others like him. Spread across in every nook and corner of the country. But alas, every time I save up, Siyona’s future comes in full view. And I invest in some mutual fund or the other. So, in short, I never seem to have enough!!

You, my boy, although I met you in the traffic signal, and silently wept at your condition, are silently forgotten as well. Once out of sight and the car has rolled over a couple of kilometers away from you, you are that tiny speck on a distant horizon, which everybody sees but nobody ponders upon. Life is too much about ‘ME’ and my daughter to think about you. Maybe next time, I will hand you over a 10-rupee note. But that’s it. Even if I have something extra to spare, why should I do it? It’s my hard earned money. Should I not spend it on my second Europe trip???

And besides, I am a mother. I have to fend for MY child! Why you? We have this universal figure called God. Blame Him. And, I am sure. Even He will not help you. Why?? Because even He has a family!! And so many more important assignments!! Probably, he doesn’t even know you exist!

So if I, and more mothers like me, spare some of their income towards the welfare of the likes of you, would we not be eradicating poverty to some extent? Would we not be improving the condition of our society? Why should we?? Politicians are there. Richer people are there. Let them do it. And as for the guilt of having excess for our children, we have done our part. By acting helpless and weeping over. 

That Magic Moment..

Raindrops, I’ve been watching you for so long now..from my balcony ..from the train..from the window behind my work station..you allure me, tempt me, tease me..yet I find you forbidding. You make me late to work. Because of you, I reach home late. You might make my daughter fall sick. You are such a pain!

Well, today I take a break. Here I come to you with open arms. Make me a child once again! No umbrella no raincoat. Come, drench me to my teeth. Wash away the dirt and grime I have accumulated over the years. All this struggle all this pain. Take it away with you. You fall so majestically over the Marine Drive, with the sea lapping you up hungrily. When those dark clouds carry you over the Queen’s Necklace, I simply have to look up at the sky. And lo, I feel like I’m at sea! You are a reason for lovers to hug each other. You’re the carefree spirit in every soul that walks across, clothes wet and clinging, the body shivering, yet the heart singing a melody, the mind free from all past, present and future. Poets have praised you, painters have canvassed you. And lonely souls, if nothing else, have befriended you.

Raindrops, you’re so kind. Like Mother. You don’t judge me. I shall always be a child to you. The moment I am with you, I am free. Fearless. No one can scream at me. No one can upset me. No expectations, no obligations. Just you, me and pure ecstasy. Thank you, for catching me unawares. For letting me steal those few moments from life.

Legal heir but not a nominee..what to do?

Time and again, various courts across the country have had to resolve this highly controversial issue as to who 
shall receive a deceased’s property. And the judgments, I must say, are varying. Some courts have interpreted 
the law as it is, whereas some have gone that extra mile to apply the provisions to the actual intentions of the 
legislative enactments.

Well, no. A nominee is a mere agent. In simple terms, he is only the person entitled to collect the money of the deceased. After collection, the money ought to be distributed among the legal heirs as per succession laws. Let us take up The Insurance Act, 1938 first. Section 39 of the said Act states that:

“The holder of a policy of life insurance on his own life may, when effecting the policy or at any time before the policy matures for payment, nominate the person or persons to whom the money secured by the policy shall be paid in the event of his death: Provided that, where any nominee is a minor, it shall be lawful for the policy- holder to appoint in the prescribed manner any person to receive the money secured by the policy in the event of his death during the minority of the nominee.”

Various judgments, including Kesari Devi v. Dharma Devi AIR 1962 All 355, have been passed upholding the fact that a nominee under the abovementioned section has an absolute right to the insurance amount due on the death of insurer[1]. However, this would mean that section 39 is altering the course of succession laws, even overriding it. These judgments did not critically analyze the legal position.

In Sarbati Devi v. Usha Devi (1984) 1 SCC 424, the Supreme Court upheld that the Allahabad High Court, while deciding the Kesari Devi case, did not correctly interpret the said section. It held that nominees under section 39 of the Insurance Act, 1938 are mere agents to collect the money due. Such money is the property of the assured during his lifetime and upon his death, it shall form a part of his estate as per the succession laws applicable to him.[2]

Recently, in Vishin Khanchandani v. Vidya LachmanDas Khanchandani & Others (2006) 6 SCC 724[3] the Supreme Court held that courts should examine the possible conflict that arises between the right of nominee and the laws of succession.

Section 45-za (2) of The Banking Regulation Act, 1949 states:

“Notwithstanding anything contained in any other law for the time being in force or in any disposition, whether testamentary or otherwise, in respect of such deposit, where a nomination made in the prescribed manner purports to confer on any person the right to receive the amount of deposit from the banking company, the nominee shall, on the death of the sole depositor or, as the case may be, on the death of all the depositors, become entitled to all the rights of the sole depositor or, as the case may be, of the depositors, in relation to such deposit to the exclusion of all other persons, unless the nomination is varied or cancelled in the prescribed manner.”

Section 6(1) of the Government Savings Certificate Act, 1959 states that:

“Notwithstanding anything contained in any law for the time being in force, or in any disposition, testamentary or otherwise in respect of any savings certificate, where a nomination made in the prescribed manner purports to confer on any person the right to receive payment of the sum for the time being due on the savings certificate on the death of the holder thereof and before the maturity of the certificate, or before the certificate having reached maturity has been discharged, the nominee shall, on the death of the holder of the savings certificate, become entitled to the savings certificate and to be paid the sum due thereon to the exclusion of all others.”

The Supreme Court has rejected the logic that these provisions excluded the rights of all persons, including legal heirs, of the deceased depositor to claim any right over the subject amount. It has held such a theory as not only illogical but totally imaginary.[4] These sections should be read to mean that after the death of the depositor, the nominee so appointed shall merely be transferred the exclusive right to receive the money in the account, and not the ownership of the said sum. The Apex Court has further held that the Banking Regulation Act, 1949 was enacted to facilitate the laws related to banking. It does not override the succession laws in any way. Hence, the deceased depositor’s moneys, that is received by the nominee, shall form a part of the deceased’s estate and be devolved as per the applicable succession laws.

Section 61(3) of the Employee Provident Fund Scheme, 1952 states:

“If a member has a family at the time of making a nomination, the nomination shall be in favour of one or more persons belonging to his family. Any nomination made by such member in favour of a person not belonging to his family shall be invalid. Provided that a fresh nomination shall be made by the member on his marriage and any nomination made before such marriage shall be deemed to be invalid.”

This section clearly upholds the principles discussed above.  While deciding on the abovementioned section, the Bombay High Court, in Antonio Joao Fernandes v. APFC Panji Goa 2010(4) LLJ 460, has upheld the principles laid down in Sarabati Devi.[5]

Section 109-A of the Companies Act, 1956 states that:

“Every holder of shares in, or holder of debentures of, a company may, at any time, nominate, in the prescribed manner, a person to whom his shares in, or debentures of, the company shall vest in the event of his death.”

Although the Bombay High Court, in a very recent case[6], has said that the rights of a nominee to the shres of a company overrides the rights of heirs to whom property is bequeathed, such opinion may not hold ground in the light of the Apex Court’s decision in the Sarbati Devi case.

The Apex Court has laid down, through landmark judgments, that nominees should not be entitled to receive the property of the deceased. They should be treated as mere agents who collect the money of the deceased. The money so collected should be disposed of as per the succession laws applicable to the deceased. And correctly so. Laws, when interpreted by the judiciary, should be given a practical and functional approach. More important than the words of the statutes is the intent behind the usage and framing of such words. At the end of the day, if jurisprudence takes a limited version of justice, the very purpose of law is defeated.

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[1] Kesaridevi v. Dharmadevi AIR 1962 All 355; Fauza Singh v. Kuldeep Singh AIR 1978 Delhi 276; Uma Sehgal v. Dwarka Das Sehgal AIR 1982 Del 36

[2] Raballav Dhandaria v. Gangadhar Nath AIR 1956 Cal 275; LIC v. UBI AIR 1970 Cal 513, Muralidhar v. IIBCL AIR 1957 Mad 115, Sarojini v. Pillai AIR 1961 Ker 126; Mohanlal v. Gunvanti Ben AIR 1977 Guj 134

[3] Ramachandra Talwar & Another v. Devendra Talwar & others (2010) 10 SCC 671

[4] Ramachandra Talwar & Another v. Devendra Talwar & others (2010) 10 SCC 671

[5] Nozer Gustad Commissariat v. Central Bank of India and Ors. 1993 MHLJ 228; Om Wati v. Delhi Transport Corporation New Delhi and Ors. 1988 (1) CLR 596 

[6] Harsha Nitin Kokate v. Saraswat Co-Operative Bank (2010) 5 Taxman Com 43 (Bom)

Blossoms From My Childhood Garden

I cannot connect to them on Facebook. I do not shed tears for them every day. Slient was their arrival. Silent was their departure. Equally slient is their existence in my memory. Here is an ode to the people/events that have left behind their footprints in my life.

Faguwari Baba, although I was hardly 3-4 years old, I vividly remember your saffron attire and your long white beard. You always wore a smile on your face. You would visit our homes every year before Holi, asking us for alms. You would sing some melodious tune I couldn’t decipher. You always patted me on the head as I would catch a glimpse of you from behind Ma. I always wanted to go to your lap, to touch your beard. But I was forbidden to do so. That instrument you played, I found it very fascinating. One fine day, you stopped coming. I have never seen you since. Where are you?

Didong, you could hardly read English. But you had preserved all the letters I wrote to you. My New Year would never be complete without making a card for you. I remember the way you had coaxed and cajoled me into piercing my ears. You would smell of sweet lime. Your wrinkled skin always fascinated me. I was not there with you the day you passed away. But with you, I lost something of myself. Things have never been the same. Nobody will ever take me to Thakurbari for that delicious charanamrit.

Murthy Miss, you are my first teacher. You would lovingly call me granny. I still wish to solve the mental sums you gave us. You had punished me for wasting food. I had eaten only the white portions of my bread and left aside the edges. I still follow your principles, Miss. I do not waste food on my plate. They said you have retired and gone back to your native place.

Monalisa, the first friend I had. We would NOT share our lunch when one of us brought something good. I would bully you all the time. We would fight tooth and nails over simple issues. But then, we would cry every time the other was absent. We have never shared the same section or the same bus. But you’re still my best friend. We wrote to each other in College. But then, after that last meeting in Bangalore, you vanished. I always remember your birthday. But I have no telephone number to call you up. You are not on FB. Please come back.

 Gadardihi, that sleepy little hamlet in Bankura. My ‘mamabari’. The day before the visits, Ma would be so cheerful. Packing our huge suitcase with loads of clothes. As a toddler, seeing Ma happy made me happy. As I grew up, I got attached to the place. Those dirt track roads. And the small shop in the vicinity which would sell everything from colorful candies to rice flakes. Best of all, my Uncle’s huge library. I could not reach up to the highest shelves. But then, the very “aroma” of the books, if I may use the wordJ, made me await my trips so eagerly. And then, during my teenage, we suddenly stopped going. Well, I do not understand the nuances of adult relationships and when they turn sour, but I miss my mamabari. All my uncles & aunts. And, Ma Dugga!!

Our ‘Goswami Barir Durga Pujo’. All of us, even distant relatives, relatives of relatives, would come together for those 4 days. Those 4 days Ma would not scold me. I could do everything that was forbidden! No one to chaperon me around!! Aah!! All of us would eat together, in batches. We kids would fight over the ‘banana leaves’ on which we ate. Everybody wanted the greenest one for himself! J And then, the fish! We all wanted the piece with the ‘hole’! J Most of us were growing up in nuclear families. With so many cousins and such a big house to play around, we had the best days of our lives. How I wish I could go there again.

When I see my little one struggling hard to rap her knuckles on my laptop, I wonder whether her childhood will really be as innocent. Changing times, nuclear families..Generations gaping far & wide..Mamas, mashis, buas, cha-chas will all a part of the fairytale world..I would not be surprised if one fine day my daughter asks me, “Mommy, you had them all???? Strange!!” JJ

Romancing The Maximum City..

It was 2 am when I set my foot in this city for the first time. And, believe it or not, I spotted taxis plying on the streets!!! And no, they were not the lone, scary, one or two sleepy & creepy ones that you spot in other places!! I fell in love with her.

There is something about this city that holds me back. That does not let me return to Kolkata. That makes me miss her when I go there for vacations. The ‘never-say-die’ spirit? The safety I feel here? The big bucks? The romanticism of the Queens Necklace?  I am yet to place my finger on the exact cause. But whatever it is, I am unabashed and totally shameless in displaying my love for this city.

Just look at the monsoons here. The very feel of it is so refreshing. Trains get delayed, I reach office late, there is muck and mud everywhere, yet I wait for the monsoons eagerly. The continuous downpour enthralls me. Just look at the way this city leads a normal life in heavy floods!! Inspiring, I would say.

I simply HAVE to mention the local trains. My essay would not be complete without it. The first day I went to Kurla Station, I was like, “Why the hell is everyone running?? I mean, you get a train every 5 minutes, right?!!” Then, my train came. People spilling out of the compartments!! Will I ever be able to get inside, I thought. Well, believe me, I didn’t have to do anything at all!!The crowd pushed me inside..and got me out at Dadar!! Phew! I survived, I thought. And today, I get up in the morning, and think, “Damn!! I’ll miss my 9:15 local!!” JJJ I run in the platform, I jostle, I push..to get into that particular compartment in that particular train that I avail every day. J J J I love Mumbai. The city has taught me the value of 1 minute. J

And ‘1 square foot’!! Those 3-bhk and sprawling flats & bungalow owners back home, did you ever give this word even the slightest importance when you built that fancy ‘balcony’ in your spare bedroom? No? Then come to Mumbai!! This is a city where you cough up 80 lacs for a 1-bhk flat. Yet, people are buying spaces for themselves. I love this spirit. The first thing that any Mumbaikar will invest in is a space of his own. No matter how small, no matter which location, but his ‘own’. Tell, me, do you not find it romantic? This urge to struggle, to make a mark in a city of billions, it has inspired so many authors to write about Mumbai.

And Marine Drive. Ah!! Go there in the wee hours of morning or during midnight. I assure you, you will rejuvenate yourself. No fancy spas, no oil aroma mumbo jumbo. Just plain air. Plentiful in the lungs. And the sound of waves crashing on the shore. Its amazing!

But the best part of Mumbai is its ability to take every misfortune in its stride. I was in my ninth month of my pregnancy when the recent bomb blasts happened. I had a tough time returning home. Trains were packed. Rumors were spreading fast. There was chaos everywhere. Yet, people helped each other. That day, I did not feel I was alone and stuck in a crisis. It was like the entire city had come together. People helped me getting into the train. Some offered to drop me till home. By the time I reached home, I was exhausted. But, the next day, I packed my bags and set out again. Life did not stop. Not for me, not for my fellow Mumbaikars.

This city is loveable. More so, for its people. The other day, a lady had fallen down in the railway tracks. Every single person in the train was eager to help. The train was stopped, 2 people (not railway officials, mind you) got down in the tracks, brought the lady out, made her sit on the bench and stayed back till her family members arrived. This is an example of solidarity. During my entire 9 months of pregnancy, every single person I have come across has helped me in some way or the other. Some offered me their seats. Some helped me get a taxi. Some have protected my unborn during rush hours in the trains. Rickshaw drivers were eager to ply me to my destination. Some, if nothing, had given me just a warm smile, acknowledging my physical discomfort.

It has been almost 4 years since I moved into this city. And every single day, my love is growing in leaps and bounds. And so is the mystery. Why do I love this city? Perhaps, for the same reasons that a bird would love the sky. Or is it something else…I am yet to figure out.  

THE NEW MOTHER GOING TO WORK!!

She was very excited that evening. She was about to join office after a 3-month long maternity break. Yes, I know it sounds improper. Some may even call it crude. You are not expected to be happy when you are leaving a 2-month old behind. You should be guilty all over, teary-eyed, and bear the expression of someone who has just been caught red-handed slaughtering his dear one. But how could she deny the feelings that welled up inside her? 

Just because her husband’s earnings are decent, she should sit back at home and ‘enjoy the motherhood’? She had been hearing it right from the time she had conceived. How can she explain it to others (mostly housewives who have never seen the insides of their office in their entire lives) that work means a lot more to her than just bread & butter?  It is a part of her existence, her very being. These 9 months of sickness, the gruesome childbirth, the physical & emotional mayhem that followed, all of it was too much for her to handle. She desperately needed a breathing space. She wanted to return to normalcy. What wrong did she commit if she asked for a few hours of respite?

She confided in her mother, only to be chided for even bearing such thoughts in mind. How could she!!! Her mother never had such thoughts. Her grandmother never had such thoughts. Is she something different? She should be ashamed of herself!!

Her dilemma increased even more.  The excitement in her heart finally gave way to guilt! She tossed & turned on her bed the whole night. Every time she would look at her sleeping child, a lump would form at her throat. What grave injustice was the child being subject to, just because the mother wanted to fulfill her own ambition?! She fought with her inner self. Having a child makes a woman complete, yes. But then, so does her profession. Motherhood is a beautiful experience, no doubt. But, she is not JUST a mother and a wife. Her identity comprises of who she is at her workplace as well. But then, right now, her child needs her more than anybody else. Should she take a break? Will she be able to cope up on the professional front after she returns back? Forget that, will anybody even GIVE her a job when she decides to return? 2 years is enough for the entire technology to change. At home, she at least has her mother to take care of the baby. She knows that her baby will be in safe hands and get the utmost love & affection.  And, she is not the only one in this universe who decided to start work immediately after the maternity break. After all, so many crèches and daycare centers are not running at a loss, are they?!

She hated it the most when people said that her husband was capable enough to take care of her & the child. She failed to understand the relation between her husband’s salary and her profession. Just because he IS capable of taking care of her does not mean he HAS to take care of her right? And, who on earth has defined ‘take care’ as bringing home a salary????? 

She made up her mind. She will rejoin office with full gusto. After all, if she curbs her desire today, how will she be able to teach her daughter to live life on her own terms? How will she give her daughter the freedom, the values, when she herself doe not assert them? She has taken a decision. And she will stand by it.